Jiordan Castle
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Jiordan Castle is the author of Disappearing Act, a memoir in verse. Her poetry and prose appear in The New Yorker, The Millions, The Rumpus, and elsewhere, including the anthologies Best New Poets and What My Father and I Don’t Talk About. Originally from New York, she lives in Philadelphia with her husband and their dog.
Baby Names
Before dogs that came with their own given names, my pets were nameless. I did not know their ages, their genders. They lived in cages. My leopard geckos, my yellow parakeet. There was also the crayfish I took home from school and hid behind discards on my dresser, sorry and afraid. Six months, we lived that way. A carnival frog, no bigger than a thimble, dead in seven days.
I flushed or buried them, beloved or not. In all that time, I don’t remember ever holding a pillow under my T-shirt and standing sideways at a long mirror, an empty vessel.
You’ll have two children, a psychic told me, barring miscarriages or abortions. Fine print already written in the stars. Did she say the same to all young girls?
There were a few things I knew. Not every prophecy must be fulfilled. A boyfriend said, One day, Someday. Kindly, as if I were ill. Another said, But you would be such a good mother. They each had babies, with names coated in nectar and rock salt. A relative said when you’re 31—or was it 32? You’ll want to. He said, Just wait. The thought will consume you.
I flushed or buried them, beloved or not. In all that time, I don’t remember ever holding a pillow under my T-shirt and standing sideways at a long mirror, an empty vessel.
You’ll have two children, a psychic told me, barring miscarriages or abortions. Fine print already written in the stars. Did she say the same to all young girls?
There were a few things I knew. Not every prophecy must be fulfilled. A boyfriend said, One day, Someday. Kindly, as if I were ill. Another said, But you would be such a good mother. They each had babies, with names coated in nectar and rock salt. A relative said when you’re 31—or was it 32? You’ll want to. He said, Just wait. The thought will consume you.
“ Like many women, I was told from an early age that I would have children. Inevitable, implied. I wrote this piece in the space between childless and childfree, with love to all the women before and after me who also find meaning there. ”
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