Gary L. McDowell
A Fish So Large

Gary L. McDowell - A Fish So Large

Creative Nonfiction
Gary L. McDowell is the author of American Amen (Dream Horse Press, 2010) and co-editor of The Rose Metal Press Field Guide to Prose Poetry (Rose Metal Press, 2010). His recent poems, essays, and… Read more »
Yian Chen
In Praise of Bao

Yian Chen - In Praise of Bao

Creative Nonfiction
Yian Chen was born in Shanghai, China. He and his parents immigrated to the Chicago suburbs when he was little. He studied biology at Yale University and moved to Baltimore in 2008 to attend medical… Read more »
Jenny Martin
My Promenade

Jenny Martin - My Promenade

Creative Nonfiction
After receiving two degrees in English literature from Colorado State University, Jenny Martin moved back east and began a 23-year career in defense contracting. She currently works for an engineering… Read more »
Kyle Bilinski
Paint and Ink

Kyle Bilinski - Paint and Ink

Creative Nonfiction
Kyle Bilinski lives in northern California where he works as a flight attendant and painting contractor. He recently received his MFA in Writing from Pacific University, and some of his stories and… Read more »
Naomi Kimbell
The Dress

Naomi Kimbell - The Dress

Creative Nonfiction
Naomi Kimbell lives and writes in Missoula. Much of her work focuses on facets of mental illness as well as reflections on her declining status as part of the middle class. She earned her MFA in… Read more »

A Fish So Large

Gary L. McDowell

We dreamt we were fatherless. Motherless. Less. We dreamt we were astronauts. We dreamt we were architects and lived in houses with no walls, only windows and perches for our pet hawks, aquariums for the piranha we’d catch ourselves one day in the Amazon. We dreamt nomadically. We rode our bikes from Cary to Fox River Grove, from Fox River Grove to Cary, from Cary to Crystal Lake, sometimes all the way to McHenry or Bull Valley. We crossed county lines, squatted in mink farms, hiked through cornfields until we got lost, couldn’t orient ourselves, the sun above us hot and directionally useless. We lost, ourselves but never each other. We listened: “Have fun, boys. Be safe, and be back for dinner, please.” One of us always wore a watch. We fished every pond and backwards lake or stream we could find. Twelve years old. BMX bikes. A backpack full of peanut butter sandwiches, bottles of water or cans of Pepsi, some quarters if we had to call home in an emergency, and fishing gear: lures, hooks, sinkers, knives, pliers, bobbers, measuring tape, disposable cameras, week old chicken left-overs for the catfish, secured, of course, in airtight Ziploc bags. Each of us also carried two to three rods held cross-wise on our handlebars. We rode carefully. We rode hard. We fished. We sunburned. We dreamt of pike and bass, sunfish and gar, coyotes, snapping turtles, tits and ass. We flirted at the playgrounds found near so many little streams. The girls often ran off, and we’d laugh, nervously, unsure of ourselves or our purposes, and assume we’d get them next time. We had no idea what we’d do if you ever did get them. It didn’t matter. The three of us riding down the middle of the road took up the whole road. We sauntered. We sweat. We dreamt of fish so large we’d have to empty our packs on the shore just to fit them in, fish so large the girls on the playground might do to us what they would do to us if we caught a fish so large.

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