M. M. Adjarian
Birdman

M. M. Adjarian - Birdman

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M. M. Adjarian is a writer and professor. She has published creative work in The Provo Canyon Review, The Milo… Read more »
Sharon Rawlette
Cop Cars

Sharon Rawlette - Cop Cars

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Sharon Rawlette lives in Virginia’s Northern Neck, 20 miles from the hospital where she was born. She holds a PhD… Read more »
Karen Kasaba
Flown

Karen Kasaba - Flown

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Karen Kasaba’s stories, essays, and articles have appeared in Swink, Wilderness House Literary Review, Red Wheelbarrow, Santa Barbara Magazine (Fiction… Read more »
Helen Ellis
How to Be a Grown Ass Lady

Helen Ellis - How to Be a Grown Ass Lady

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Helen Ellis is the author of the novel, Eating The Cheshire Cat (Scribner). Her short stories have appeared recently or… Read more »

How to Be a Grown Ass Lady

Helen Ellis

Compliment everyone. Take a compliment. Wear sunscreen on your face and hands even when it’s cloudy. Dye your grey hair black, brown or blonde. Run the dishwasher half-full. Have company over and serve what you want to eat. When a guest says your meatloaf looks like a football, don’t tell the woman that her husband is obviously gay.

Don’t bite your cuticles. Get rid of a wart before there’s a cluster. Don’t sit on a toilet in front of anyone, ever. If your husband wants a bigger TV, for heaven’s sake let him have it.

Go to the mall for your Clinique bonus gift. Buy three pieces of clothing twice a year at full price. Get refitted for bras on your birthday. Replace your tights every winter. Forget thongs. If your white shirt has sweat stains, throw it away. Tip twenty percent on the whole bill including alcohol and tax. When St. Jude’s mails you personalized address labels and asks for a $45 donation, write them a check.

Get your pap smears and mammograms. Get your teeth cleaned. Join a book club. Join two. Never put your phone on a restaurant table. Don’t tell your friends with… Read more »